I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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