You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
