Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
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