he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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