Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
