i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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