my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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