just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
