Barsexuality is the new black.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize