Kiss
Puke
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
