Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
