Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
