she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
