"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
