If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
