Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
