if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
NoShamevember. You game?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
