I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
