I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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