hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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