i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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