What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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