I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
