atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
