why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
