I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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