I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
