What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize