We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
