Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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