What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize