I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
