No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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