After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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