When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
