i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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