Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
