Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
