i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize