Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
