he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
