Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
