well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
The best revenge is premature balding
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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