i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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