sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
