I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize