whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
