just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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