i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize