I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
