Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize