when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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