so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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