Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize