90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
