My girlfriend figured out who you are.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
