Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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