I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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