don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
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