I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
