Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
