Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
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