I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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