My liver just broke up with me...
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
