He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
