The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
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