'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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