i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
