I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
