I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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