Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
