dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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