I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize