I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
